The Cabin by the Woods (2011)
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This was surely “one for the ages”. The wifey and I decided to order a pay-per-view ‘horror’ movie tonight and just relax. Cool and cool, and horrific is absolutely what we got!
This movie started with no clear plot that I could figure out what-so-ever. It was just plain gratuitous violence. Blood and guts, severed heads, screaming and yelling and all the typical things you’d see at the END of one of these types of movies. So, I must admit, this movie had me intrigued to being with.
Okay, I can deal with the silly, and totally ridiculous violence since that is what we bargained for, but through-out the movie they would include intermittent scenes of some type of Command Center/Control Center. We were thinking like “what the hell is this for?”, because it seemed so random but it appeared they were building a plot of some sort. It turns out that the Command Center wanted people for being “young”. Five young people had to die according to Sigourney Weaver. Yep, she stooped to a new low for sure with this bomb of a flick! She made about a five minute on-screen appearance and that was the most true insight to any sort of plot I could find in the movie.
All I could figure out with this movie (or that I cared about) was that the mega-pot smoking dope-head was somehow immune to the effects that this Command Center was infecting people with. That minor detail went unexplained as I recall also.
Anyhow, there were some good things in this 1 ½ hours of yuck though. Namely, it made the wifey jump out of her skin several times which was quite hilarious. It left her cuddlier with yours-truly (or at least I would like to think so).
In the end, I just quizzed her on if she understood the plot anymore or any less than I did. She said she was as confused as me so I will leave it at that. It’s unfortunate because at about one hour into the movie it looked like the movie was building to be something interesting. I assure you – NOT!
This movie is a true stinker and gets only three Steelers Stars.
